SanGenLife

Want to help your aging parents downsize in preparation for a move? Tread carefully!

Recognize that this is an emotional time for them.  Your parents have spent a lifetime accumulating possessions so it may be hard for them to be objective. Be sensitive to their feeling and try not to be pushy. The whole process may take longer than you like. Unless you have a certain deadline such as a house sale, try to follow their timetable for getting rid of items.

They may place a greater value on an item than you do. Recognize that their items are deeply personal to them. So rather than, belittling their miniature spoon collection, bite your tongue. Remember that your relationship is more important than getting rid of any one item. With that in mind, here are ways to help you and your parents get through this intact.

6 tips to help parents downsize

Accentuate the positive

When your parents are moving, they may not be in the best of spirits. If they are moving due to declining health or moving to a facility it may be especially hard. Focus on where they are moving to rather than where they are moving from. Help them with planning and decorating their new home. Point out that they may not need all their “stuff” in their new home and now is a good time to get rid of clutter.

Use the opportunity to go through treasured items and relive happy memories. Record names on the back of photos before this information is lost! Have your parents tell you the stories behind the photos and items so you understand what is valuable.

See if your parents want to give some of their prized possession to other family members who would appreciate them. Volunteer to take some items off their hands if they can’t take it with them but they don’t want to get rid of them. You can store it somewhere and donate it at a later time.

Start with the easy stuff

Start in an area they seldom use. If they haven’t been gardening in a while, can you clear out the shed? If there are stuffed bookcases, can you donate books that they haven’t read in decades? Once you make progress with the easy stuff, your parents will have a sense of accomplishment that may carry over into making the harder decisions.

Gently ask questions about how to whittle down. For example, go through kitchen drawers with them and see how many spatulas they really need. Ask them if some can be donated to a local charity.

Put them in charge…but make it easier for them

Let your parents make the decisions of what to keep, toss, and donate. They may feel a loss of control in their situation. Allow them to call the shots.

What you can do is make it easy for items to be donated or removed. Research local charitable organizations that need household items. Arrange for their items to be donated. Find those organizations that even come and pick it up for you. If your parents have an affinity with an organization, such as a Veterans group, it may make it easier for them to donate their stuff. Here are a few organizations that take household items:

Salvation Army

Goodwill

Habitat for Humanity ReStore

PickUp Please for American Veterans

DonationTown – Enter your zip and they will provide a list of local charities.

Your parents may have some valuable items that they want to sell. Arrange for appraisals and sales of their items on their behalf.

However, certain items can’t be donated. Find other ways to get rid of them such as local up-cycle or freecycle organizations. List items for free on Craigslist and Facebook. Or find local junk hauling companies such as 1-800-GotJunk or College Hunks Hauling Junk.

Lose the battles…but win the war

Let your parents hang on to what is truly important to them even if it seems trivial. There may be sentimental reasons that you don’t understand. Be sympathetic to their wishes.

If your mother has an extensive ceramic figurine collection that she can’t take with her, take photos of her pieces and make a photo book for her to look through. Download photos onto a tablet or iPad that she can access. These little “victories” can make it easier for your parents to let go of other things.

As long as other items are being donated or tossed, and the downsizing is going in the right direction, figure a way to accommodate your parents’ wishes.

Hire a professional organizer

However, you may face enormous resistance from a parent or your parent may be a “hoarder”. If that is the case, try to bring in a professional organizer. A professional organizer has experience in dealing with tough situations. They can be the “bad cop” and you can preserve your relationship with your family.

Keep important documents and records

Sorting through paperwork can be a nightmare. Look for important financial, healthcare, legal, and insurance documents. This is a good time to talk to your parents about what documents they have and what documents they may need.

Organize their paperwork for them in a Family Information Binder that will make it easier for them to move and access it when necessary. You might want to make a copy for yourself to help them in case of an emergency or incapacity.

Preserve family memories! If they have a slew of photographs or VCR tapes of home movies, scan the photos to keep on the cloud or computer and transfer the VCR tapes to a digital format.

With understanding and an abundance of patience, you will be able to help your parents downsize and get ready for their new phase in life.

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