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When making their wills, the biggest hurdle parents face is deciding who should take care of their minor children. This is especially difficult when parents can’t agree on who the best guardian is for their children.

Recognize that no one will be as good as you in understanding your children. However, that doesn’t mean your guardian can’t do their best. You must identify the next best person. It is not an easy decision, but naming guardians for your children is one you should make.

If you don’t make the choice, you are leaving it up to a busy court that does not know your children or their potential guardians like you do! As one of my clients with 5 children told me: “I have to name someone as guardian because I am afraid no one will come forward to claim them!”

In making this important but extremely necessary decision, you may be facing one or more of these challenges:

3 challenges and solutions to naming guardians for your children

Hesitation

You have a logical choice for your child’s guardian, but you have not gotten around to naming them in a will yet. It is wonderful to have someone in mind that is the clear choice. But you must consider the consequences if you do not name that guardian in your will. They most likely will have to petition a court and pay for a lawyer of their own to convince the court that they are the best choice. What if the court decides otherwise? Plus, who has the children during this period? What if other family members come into the picture? What if no one comes forward?

Once you name someone as guardian in your will, the transition becomes easier for both the guardian and your children. Your other family members will better understand and respect your wishes once they know you made the decision and put it down in writing. Consider that the cost of a will is significantly cheaper than a protracted guardianship battle in court.

Reservation

You have someone in mind who will be an excellent caregiver in raising your child, but they are horrible with money. Sometimes a wonderful guardian to your children may not be a great money manager. In a will, you can name a guardian for your children and designate another person as “trustee” to handle the money in your estate. The trustee gives your guardian the money he or she needs for the health, support, maintenance, and education of your children.

While it is optimal if your guardian is both responsible for your children and your money, there are ways to safeguard both.

Confrontation

This is a difficult choice and you and your spouse can’t agree on who is the best guardian. Each of you has different people in mind for different reasons. Make a list of potential candidates with their strengths and weaknesses. Discuss the pros and cons of each of your candidates, such as their financial situation, their age and health, and their capacity to serve. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Read this post for more tips on choosing guardians.

You will need a guardian and a backup guardian if your first choice is unable to do it. Therefore, you will be able to name both of them, but you must determine who is the primary guardian and who is the backup guardian.

In any case, you should have frank discussions with your candidates. Ask them tough questions about how they will raise your children. Will they follow your values and religious beliefs? Will they keep in close contact with other members of your extended family? Are they financially, physically, and emotionally capable of caring for your children? Such conversations may bring out a clear favorite you will both accept. An estate planning attorney can help narrow down your choices for the best fit.

In conclusion, while there are challenges in naming guardians for your children, there are solutions. Resolving these challenges head-on will give you peace of mind for the protection of your family.

Parts of this article have been excerpted from Estate Planning for the Sandwich Generation: How to Help Your Parents and Protect Your Kids.

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