Brick wall moments – dealing with stubborn aging parents
Are you a caregiver for your aging parents? At the very least, are you concerned about them as they age? Wouldn’t it be lovely to help your parents without any objections?
As if! What if you have stubborn aging parents?
When talking with your parents about aging issues and suggesting help for them you will most likely have many “brick wall moments.” This is when a reasonable suggestion or a suggestion made from a place of love is met with strenuous resistance, to put it mildly.
Either the parent puts up a brick wall and won’t entertain the idea. Or you will want to hit your head against a brick wall in frustration. Oftentimes, both are true.
They will tell you that you don’t understand what they are going through. They will tell you that you can’t imagine what they are dealing with. Or you will hear a hundred reasons why your suggestion would not help.
Stay strong.
It will take time for your parents to accept a new idea or admit they need help. They must acknowledge that they are entering a new phase in which they can’t do it all themselves.
Talk with them gently about your suggestion. You may have to plant the idea and back away. And when they finally come around, be gracious. Avoid the “I told you so” phrase.
Be patient.
In time, you will be able to get them the help they need. It just won’t be on your schedule.
You may find that at certain stages, you will get more cooperation. For example, if your parent falls and is admitted to the hospital, you can most likely get them to agree to have grab bars installed in the bathroom. If your parent has a heart attack, you might convince them it is now time to pay someone else to shovel snow or mow the lawn. If they have trouble getting around or managing stairs they might consider moving to another living situation that is more appropriate for their needs.
Be patient and look for opportunities to get your parents’ cooperation. With patience and gentle persistence, you will get through those ‘brick wall moments’ and help your stubborn aging parents.
Parts of this article have been excerpted from Estate Planning for the Sandwich Generation: How to Help Your Parents and Protect Your Kids.
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